How I Taught my Newborn Independent Sleep Habits From Day One
When my 7-week old slept his first six-hour stretch, I couldn’t believe it.
When he did it again the next night, and the night after that, and then increased the time to seven, eight hours… I was floored. All of the hard work, consistency, and dedication to his sleep that I’d put in, had paid off.
So, how did I get there? First, let me tell you the why.
This is how we spent the majority of our days
My baby wouldn’t let me put him down! (or so I told myself.) I was victim to a screaming infant attached to my breast 24-hours a day, and was collapsing under the weight of “trapped naps” and postpartum anxiety.
“This isn’t what motherhood is supposed to be,” I thought.
My oldest would wake screaming every hour or so, all night long. When he was sleeping, I wasn’t, because I was anticipating his next wakeup. This soon spiraled into Insomnia, and led me into a dark, dark mental space.
I wasn’t sleeping… like, at all. My nerves were frayed and I was having trouble coping with daily tasks, including taking care of my newborn.
After finding a way to cope and to work myself out of the pattern of sleepless nights, I swore to myself that if there was ever a baby number two, sleep would be priority number one for both of us.
Fast forward two years, and I was preparing to welcome baby number two into the world. NOT sleeping was not an option this go-around. Contact naps for every nap were not an option. Spending hours to get my newborn to sleep while my two-year old was left alone, was absolutely not an option. Healthy, independent sleep was the ONLY option for us.
I started by preparing a space that would encourage restful sleep.
Setting up baby’s sleep space
Babies need a sleep environment that is conducive to restful sleep, just like we do. For a new little person who has just spent many months inside of Mommy’s belly, it makes sense to create a space to replicate the feeling of being in the womb.
According the the American Academy of Pediatrics, (AAP) babies should room-share with their parents for at least the first six months. Please note that the AAP does NOT recommend bed-sharing, as this is unsafe for baby. Baby is safest sleeping in a bassinet, crib, or Pack n Play that is completely empty except for the mattress that came with the item and a fitted sheet.
So, how do you make your room a space that encourages sleep?
Use white noise
White noise is a sound of constant static that does not change in intensity. White noise helps to calm and comfort baby and blocks out external noises.
It is worth purchasing a white noise machine, like the Hatch, to mimic the sound they hear in the womb.
So, how do you use it?
Set your white noise no higher than 50 decibels (you can use a decibel-tracking app to measure) and keep it across the room from your baby’s crib. Some experts recommend turning off the white noise after baby is asleep. Personally, I have left it on all night for all three of my boys, but I lower the volume after they fall asleep.
Use a Swaddle or Sleep Sack
Swaddling a baby has many benefits. It helps to prevent the Moro (or “startle”) reflex that can, literally, startle a baby awake. The act of swaddling or using an arms-in sleep sack, also allows baby to feel snug, comfortable, and mimics the feeling of being warm and cozy in the womb.
None of my boys liked to be swaddled, and instead preferred sleep sacks.
A swaddle or sleep sack should be used for all independent naps and for overnight sleep, to create consistency in baby’s sleep environment. The act of swaddling or putting baby into their sleep sack sends a strong cue to baby that it’s time to sleep.
The swaddle and arms-in sleep sack should be dropped by eight weeks, or at the first sign of rolling. An arms-out sleep sack can be used in its place.
Make Baby’s Room as Dark as Possible
Once day/night confusion has passed (stretches of night sleep lengthen, baby is more wakeful during the day and more tired at night) then you can begin putting your baby in a dark environment for all sleep.
How dark? So dark that you cannot see your hand in front of your face.
Despite what some may think, newborn babies aren’t afraid of the dark. The pitch blackness helps to promote melatonin production, eliminates external distractions, and replicates the feeling of being in Mom’s belly.
Using blackout curtains, trash bags, and even foil on the windows will help to block out the light. I’ve tried a number of different blackout curtains, and this brand is the most effective AND easiest to install (code PRENATALTOCRADLE saves you 10%!)
Set the Thermostat to a Comfortable Temperature
Babies should sleep in an environment that is between 68-72 degrees Fahrenheit. If baby is too warm, or too cold, their sleep may be disrupted.
Preventing baby from becoming over-heated is also especially important for preventing Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS.)
How to get Your Baby to Sleep Independently
Now that I’ve laid out the important steps for preparing your baby’s sleep space, I’ll dive into the methods that I used to encourage my baby to sleep independently.
Our Routine
Sort out Day/Night Confusion
When baby is in the womb, they’re used to being lulled to sleep by the constant motion of Mom during the daytime hours. At night, baby is awake while Mom is still and resting, as they’re no longer being rocked to sleep.
This mix-up continues even after baby is born.
How to sort out day/night confusion:
Keep things bright and noisy during the day (during awake periods)
Wake baby from a single nap after 2-3 hours (to preserve those longer stretches for nighttime sleep and to be sure that baby has an adequate amount of awake time during the day)
Offer full feeds every 1.5-3 hours
Set a Daily Wake-Up Time
Waking your baby at the same time every morning has its benefits.
It helps baby to develop their circadian rhythm, establishes predictability and routine in their day, and helps to prevent nighttime sleep running too late in the morning and interfering with baby’s first nap of the day.
I began sticking to a 7-7:30 daily wake-up time consistently when my baby was three weeks old.
Follow Awake Windows
An “awake window” is the amount of time that a baby can comfortably stay awake, before needing to sleep again. This window of time is as short as 45-minutes (sometimes even less) in the first few weeks of life.
This makes it almost impossible to fit feeding, diapering, AND any amount of tummy time into their awake window. Really, all you can do is try your best to get baby down before they become extremely over-tired.
Awake windows in the newborn stage:
0-4 Weeks: 45-60 Minutes
1-2 Months: 60-75 Minutes
2-3 Months: 60-90 Minutes
Eat, Wake, Sleep
From birth, we followed the Eat, Wake, Sleep (EWS) method. It worked wonders.
I was skeptical at first. With my oldest, our “routine” looked more like “eat, sleep, eat, eat, sleep…”
Eat, Wake, Sleep is just as it sounds. When baby wakes from sleep, they eat. After they eat, they have some “wake time.” After their “wake time,” they sleep.
There are so many benefits to this method. First, it gives Type A moms like me the ability to feel like you have some control in your day. Second, the likelihood of baby taking in more milk is higher than if you feed baby before sleeping, when they’re barely able to stay awake. Third, by saving feeding for the beginning of the awake window, you’re not forming the feed-to-sleep association.
For a nursing mom, this was especially important to me. Since my firstborn would lay on top of me all day, he would snack on and off, become fussy on the breast (probably because he was so tired!) and then fall asleep for a 15-minute nap. Then he’d wake back up and repeat the process all over again.
So, not only was I not getting any time to myself, but my baby was not getting adequate sleep OR full feeds.
Newborns are so, so sleepy in those very early days that eating takes a ton of effort. It is very common for brand new babies to spend most of their “wake time” eating. When following this method with my second, he would often fall asleep on my breast after nursing for about 30 minutes.
What I did to try to wake him before he went down for a nap, would be to switch breasts, burp him, tickle his feet, and change his diaper after he nursed. Even if he was going down for his nap with his eyes just ever so slightly open, it helped.
So why is it important to have baby’s eyes open when they are put into their bassinet? We want a newborn baby to go into their sleep space drowsy, but awake.
Drowsy but awake
This term is sure to ruffle the feathers of many parents. To many, it seems like an elusive, far-off dream that they could put their baby down drowsy and watch them peacefully drift off to sleep.
Practicing this method from day one, made all the difference in my baby becoming an independent sleeper.
Did he simply close his eyes and head off to dreamland? No! This took time, patience and CONSISTENCY.
Near the end of my son’s awake window, after he’d taken in a full feed and had a clean diaper and an abundance of snuggles and kisses, it was time for sleep.
I had a very simple nap routine: white noise on, zip into sleep sack, place baby into his bassinet, turn off the light, and close the door.
I then gave him some time to go to sleep.
I would give my baby 20-25 minutes to attempt to fall asleep for his nap. Did he spend the entire 20 minutes screaming? Very rarely. He would fuss, sometimes cry, quiet down, and sometimes just lay there with his eyes open. It was my personal rule that if he were to be crying HARD for 10 minutes, I would intervene and pick him up until he calmed down. Then, I’d place him back into his bassinet, and close the door and see if he’d go to sleep.
He picked up on this method very quickly and started falling asleep independently for ALL sleeps (naps and bedtime) by the time he was 5-6 weeks old.
During this time, he also found his thumb and used this to soothe himself before falling asleep.
other factors to consider
Bedtime routine
Implementing a solid routine that follows the same steps every night, signals to baby that it is bedtime. You can start a bedtime routine as early as you want. I started a simple routine around three weeks old. This routine was very similar to the nap routine, with a few more steps added.
Baby sleep progress isn’t linear
There are some days when your baby may go down easily for most sleeps, and other days when you have to rescue every single nap. This is normal. In the newborn stage, you’re just working on laying the foundation for healthy, independent sleep and doing what you can to encourage this. Accept that some days will just be ROUGH and know that it gets so much better.
You do not have to put baby down for every nap
If you want to do a carrier nap, put baby into the carrier during their nap time and enjoy! If you want extra cuddles and choose to do a contact nap, then get cozy and enjoy the snuggles while baby sleeps on you. Try to follow the 80/20 rule when practicing independent sleep.
80% of the time try to follow your nap routine and put baby in their bassinet or crib
20% of the time allow for flexibility
By following this rule, you can avoid derailing any independent sleep progress your baby has made.
Short Naps are Normal
Short, frequent naps are very normal in the first few months of life. Until baby learns to consolidate their sleep around 4-6 months, nap lengths will be unpredictable.
quality sleep is incredibly important
Sleep is just as important as nutrition. Your baby NEEDS sleep for their health and development.
New mothers who get quality sleep are less susceptible to postpartum mood disorders, have better focus, and are able to be more attentive to their child’s needs.
With the safe sleep guidelines from the AAP, it is important to offer ONLY safe sleep options for all sleeps.
Teaching your baby to be an independent sleeper is one of the best things you can do for both your baby, and yourself.
